Who Am I?

This is a question I've been wrestling with recently, but it's been brewing since the end of August. That's when I left my job at KSPR so that I could actually see my husband and be a better wife and mom to my two step-daughters. I always told myself my job wouldn't be my identity; it would be part of who I was but not completely who I was. Well, I may not have done a very good job. For nearly six years, a big part of my identity was that I was a sports reporter then sports director. I felt like I had a purpose and I kinda knew who I was.

Now, I'm not so sure. I don't regret leaving - at all. My husband and my family will tell you I'm much, much happier since I left. Plus, we've learned to depend on God a lot more and not our paychecks or our own ability. There are definitely a ton of good things that have come, but lately I've started to feel like a stranger. I don't completely feel like I have something that's mine. Does that make me selfish? When I was working, I had my job and the material I put on tv. Then I would come home and my husband and I would talk about it. Now, I don't feel like I have anything. I do things around the house, but on a limited budget I'm limited in what I can do.

God has really been dealing with me about Proverbs 3:5-6. "Trust in the LORD with all thine heart and lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him and He shall direct your paths." That basically tells me to turn all the control over to God and let him lead me. That's really hard. The natural tendency is to try and figure things out in your head, but that's disobeying what he has said. I'm trying not to sit and figure out all the things I could be doing. I'm trying to pray and let him lead me.

I know he has plans for me. "Before I formed you in the womb I knew you" (Jeremiah 1:5); and "For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future." The plans are clearly there and have been my whole life. I believe God has called me to big things, but now for the hard part - waiting for him to direct my path and show me what those plans are.