For as long as I can remember, I have been a competitive person. I grew up on a dairy farm and all my cousins were boys; I learned to try to beat them at everything. I played sports when I was younger and games with my parents, and my mission was clear - win! That philosophy hasn't changed much as I've gotten older. I can turn pretty much anything into a competition, which is a quality that can be very helpful. It can help push me to work harder and get more done, faster. However, I'm beginning to notice that more often than not, that competitive feel is a hindrance.
I constantly find myself comparing virtually every area of my life to those around me or that I grew up with. Before I met my husband, I looked at essentially everyone around me who was married, and I felt like my life didn't measure up because I was still single. These days I find myself comparing myself to others in the gym and in nutrition most of all. If used correctly, this could be a great thing. It might help me push through a few extra reps to get a WOD done faster or keep me from reaching for that donut that sounds so wonderful. Bad thing is, it typically just ends up making me feel bad about myself.
Justin (my hubby) and I have been on a physical and mental nutrition challenge. We're working on eating perfectly Zone and being positive in our thinking. We have working on this for a week and a half and have a cheat day planned for July 4. Monday (July 2) was a very hard day for me in the nutrition realm, and I told Justin that I couldn't wait for our cheat day. He told me he had gotten to the point in his nutritional journey that he didn't even really want a cheat day. He is not the first person to say this, but I felt like a total loser because I still absolutely live for my cheat days. I began asking why eating clean had gotten so easy for Justin, while it was still such a struggle for me. I was comparing myself to my husband and feeling like I was losing, badly.
Then it hit me: I am not my husband! Simple, right? But I needed to remember that we are two completely different human beings, so I shouldn't compare myself to Justin. He is so amazingly disciplined and makes eating clean look so easy. I envy that and wish that I didn't still crave sugar and other highly processed carbohydrates on a pretty much daily basis. I have, however, realized that food will most likely be a daily battle for me the rest of my life. Parts of it may get easier, but healthy eating is probably something that will never be simple for me. As I sat at my desk Monday, I began thinking about all the things I used to eat. Not only the types of food, but the huge quantities of food I always ate, and I had another realization - choosing healthier foods in smaller quantities is happening more often than it used to. So while it feels like I still want those foods every day, I am not giving in to those cravings as much as I used to; and that's progress.
So, I'm not Justin. I still want my cheat days, and that's ok. Because that's me, and I have to remember I was created to be exactly how I am. The way I am is integral to God's plan for my life; so instead of constantly comparing myself to everyone else around me, I am going to focus on continuing to make strides in the right direction and being proud of exactly who I am. And that is pretty fabulous! This new frame of mind also includes not leaving the gym every night beating myself up because I didn't go faster or lift more weight. It means being proud of the fact that I worked out hard. It also means knowing there are good days and not-so-good days; and if today wasn't the greatest, there's a chance that tomorrow absolutely will be. But if it's not, I'll give it what I've got and be proud of that. Maybe God is going to use my struggles to help others around me, and that would be pretty awesome!
This blog is based on Psalm 139:13-16:
"You made all the delicate, inner parts of my body and knit me together in my mother's womb.
Thank you for making me so wonderfully complex!
Your workmanship is marvelous-how well I know it.
You watched me as I was being formed in utter seclusion, as I was woven together in the dark of
the womb.
You saw me before I was born. Every day of my life was recorded in your book.
Every moment was laid out before a single day had passed."
You were created for a purpose, and God made you exactly the way you are on purpose! You truly were created to be fabulous!
